This question came in from a brand new mom, who is having a bit of trouble adjusting to her new role as a parent. I feel this is an important topic for everyone, because we have all most likely had a hard time adjusting to a change in life at some point, whether it be a new job, a new relationship, having kids, or even navigating through our day to day lives. I don’t think that anyone has ever cornered the market on hardship or struggle, we all take turns.
Have you felt insecure at some point, and doubted your decision making abilities, or thought that you weren’t good enough? If you are like me a few years ago, I totally beat myself up in these times and felt pretty crappy.
- I used to lay awake at night replaying every stupid comment that I made all day.
- I used to think someone was mad at me if they didn’t call me right back. It never occurred to me that maybe they were just busy!
- I used to compare myself to everyone around me, in every way.
- I used to shop because I was bored.
- I used to be nervous to talk in groups in case I said something stupid.
Writing this now, it’s obvious my self-esteem was pretty low. Self-worth by definition must come from within. We have to look inside of ourselves and know that we have everything we need to not just make it in this world, but to rock this world. We are 100% good enough, We are enough no matter what we accomplish in a day. And who sets the standard for what is enough anyway?
When we are mindful, we are fully engaged in each moment of our lives, good and bad, comfortable and painful, easy and challenging. By being truly present in each of these moments we understand that they aren’t permanent. Everything in life is constantly changing, including our thoughts. The more we meditate the better we become at witnessing our thoughts and allowing them to pass through us. We want to experience them and then let them go, staying in the present moment as much as possible.
I practiced this a lot on my ten day silent retreat, and have tried as much as possible since I got home to incorporate the idea of impermanence into my day to day life. Now when I feel bad about something I did or said, which trust me still happens, I know that it won’t last. Instead of replaying it in my head 100 times, I come back to the present moment by connecting to my breath, or the sensations in my body.
The more we meditate the more we get to know ourselves and actually become friends with ourselves. I remember after I had been meditating for a while the first time I thought, “hey, I actually like me!” We begin to show ourselves more compassion and understanding too.
Whether you are rocking a baby, running a company, or feeding the homeless, you are contributing to making this world a better place. Sometimes you will wonder if you are on the right path, and the answer is always yes, or it wouldn’t be your path.
True peace comes when we feel peace in the core of our being no matter what is going on around us. This is definitely something to work toward, little by little, day by day.
For the new mother that wrote in, I consider the job you are doing one of the most important and rewarding in all the world. Even though you probably haven’t had a full night sleep in weeks, maybe months, and maybe you can’t remember the last time you showered, you are doing amazing!
Let me know in the comment section below if you have any questions or comments.